March 2019: Learning to Be at Peace

And being fueled by coffee and Hozier.

Last week's article, honest as it was, was a little bit heavy, so today let's keep that honesty but focus on the lighter things.

I've been in Korea for six months--almost seven, at the time of this writing--and with that we can say we've gotten out of the honeymoon period a little and the dust has settled. Look, I know I said that three months in but I really mean it now. (Let's be honest, I'll probably say this all over again six months from now).

So! How am I? How's Korea?

People ask me that a lot, and well, I think it's best to paint a picture of my week to explain how I'm feeling, what it's been like these past few months, and how I'm looking ahead.

I went on a run today, which turned into a walk cause the fresh winter air killed my lungs and I realized just how out of shape I am (working on it). I found a little creek to walk by, which was so stupidly peaceful that I was in a bit of awe at just...everything. 'At peace' is how I would describe myself on these kind of days. The cold is turning into warm, and I can see the blossom buds on trees. I've only been loudly complaining about winter since October, so I'm embracing spring with open arms.

Last weekend, my friends from Gangwon-do visited. We became close at orientation, but I'm placed four hours away, so I only see them every few months. We're trying to change that and thank god, because I click with these friends so well.

You know that kind of friendship? The easy kind? In my experience they're rare, and they're priceless.

They stayed at my tiny studio apartment and even though we were stuck inside due to the dangerous air quality (Korea's been wrecked this past week with horrible fine dust), we didn't get sick of each other--a feat considering it was a three day weekend and we barely had enough space to sleep.

We watched movies, gossiped, made crepes, talked about BTS, and, as is the norm with teachers, discussed our schools and troubleshooted our concerns.

As I showed them around Daejeon, we also stopped at Uniqlo.

I'd never really been a big shopper before Korea, but I had to build a whole winter wardrobe from scratch since the box of winter clothes I left with my parents was too expensive to send over. Uniqlo has been my saving grace for winter clothes and my go-to for the most important element in my wardrobe: mom jeans.

The way I dress in Korea is not the way I dressed back home.

Firstly, Austin is a super casual city and it's way too hot to really wear anything but t-shirts.

Secondly, I was a student back home, so I was working off that student budget.

Having an income and also being in a place full of cheap and easy shopping has meant I've been able to build up my style, which has led to experimentation. I used to be soooo self-conscious about wearing loose fits, accessorizing, or trying new styles. The fashion in Korea is very different from back home, so I've been able to step out of my comfort zone while figuring out what works for me.

my latest haul. don’t worry, most of this is free samples.

And skincare. Wow. Innisfree owns my wallet. I recently went on a haul since I hadn't shopped for skincare or makeup products in a few months, and my skin's been a little sad. I'm good for a few more months now, but it's really nice to have easy access to every face mask under the sun.

Speaking of self-expression and my interests, I've had plenty of time for creative efforts. I've been writing! Cue the cheers and kazoos! I love to write, but I am such a perfectionist that it's very, very slow. I have several projects I've been working on for years, and to made any kind of progress is a victory.

And in addition to that victory, I've been drawing, after about a year of semi-hiatus. Drawing is very therapeutic but also draining for me, and so drawing after work is often out of the question, as I'm just too tired for it. But these days I've been making time on weekends, not only to draw but also to make videos.

This week was also the first week of classes. Korea's school year starts in March, so even though I saw my students two weeks ago, that's now "last year" and this week is "the new year." Lol.

I met my new fifth graders, and I forgot how curious and shy students are with me before they get to know me. And then you've got the sixth graders, who are like pshhhh it's just Ariel. Jokes aside, my coteacher told me the students cheered when they learned I was still the English teacher, which put a huge grin on my face for the rest of the day.

My new coteacher made a survey for the students to write about themselves and ask how they felt about English. Many thought very positively of English class, and even the ones who didn't said they wanted to listen well and try hard. I know these students are under immense pressure and spend their evenings and weekends in classes, even though they're only eleven or twelve. As always, I want them to learn and feel confident using English, but I also really, really, really want them to have fun and just get the chance to be kids.

Last year I didn't have much control in my classroom. It was actually a big frustration I had at first, but I also knew perfectly well why--I was new, inexperienced, and much younger than my coteachers. I had all these idealistic ideas I'd gotten from training, but no way to implement them.

This year, my coteachers are actually hoping I'll take the lead. They're new to teaching English, and they're daunted by the amount of Korean Americans in our classes. They also know I've been doing this for half a year. I'm both excited for this challenge but I've talked at length on this blog about my imposter syndrome before. However, the two weeks I spent teaching English camp alone were such a massive learning opportunity that I feel waaayyyy more comfortable standing in front of the class now. It was a trial by fire.

So yes, this past week has reaffirmed my love for teaching. Wow. That's a shocking sentence for me to type out because I've always said while I like teaching, it's not my one true love. I still maintain that! But...I might miss it when I move into another field.

I've also talked about upcoming changes, as we plan whether to renew or not. A big factor in my decision would be whether my coteachers and I got along--and so far I think we will!

So I'm 99% sure I'm renewing, which comes with its own questions and concerns. Like: will I stay in my current apartment?

I don't know for sure yet. It's got its issues: only one stove burner, bad mold, small. But...it's also become my home, and I feel so cozy and at peace in my space.

Moving would mean losing this little nook :(

Another thing I did this week was check flights for Osaka. I'm always restless to go to a new place and Japan is my next big travel destination. I'm even thinking of doing a solo weekend trip but we'll see! I have to save money for my birthday in Seoul.

I think of all the things about my job that I love--the students, my friends, living in Korea, getting the chance to learn a new language--having the option to travel is the most surreal part. I took a trip to Singapore, Thailand and Vietnam in January. I'm still reeling from it. I learned so much, saw so much, ate so much. I'll never forget biking in Ninh Binh with my cousin, or eating Michelin-awarded lor mee at a hawker center, or watching long-tail boats zip around in crystal blue water.

Nothing can beat that for me. I never thought I could do that kind of thing right out of college.

So yeah, it's been good. I'm in a good place. I'm learning how to live alone and be alone with my thoughts. I'm getting to know myself. I'm comfortable shopping alone, going to movies alone, eating alone. Not because I have to be, although maybe sometimes that's true, but because I like it.

And how's the Korean learning going, you ask? I've been hitting the books every day and my Korean skills have improved soooo much. I'm still going to Korean classes offered by Daejeon. I am still discovering new things about Korean culture and language--every day, I swear I learn something new and ask myself how I got through half a year here without knowing it.

Don't worry, though, I still undergo awkward, confusing attempts at conversation at least twice a week.

Language barrier aside, I feel very at ease here. Korea offers a very convenient lifestyle. I've overcome the culture shock as I've gotten into the routine of life. When I was at the airport, readying to go to Singapore, my friend turned to me and said, "How do you feel that we're leaving Korea?" and the sentence felt odd. I mean,of course. We were going to another country! Yet it still took us both aback to talk about. It felt strange to be leaving this place we'd spent so long in and that we'd spent so long trying to get to.

I won't be in Korea forever, but I'm not ready to leave yet. I feel very at peace. What a relief.

Thanks for reading and feel free to leave comments or questions. I've been fueled by coffee and Hozier lately. What's been fueling you?